Love… Marriage… Mr. Bean… and God

Qualities of the perfect man --Cary grant Mr. Bean- Grizzily AdamsI don’t know when it happened, or how. But it did. One unremarkable day, we became that couple. The one people snicker at and call CUTE! Sometimes even SOOOOO CUTE! Love… Marriage… Mr. Bean… and God

At first we were confused. After all, we had not changed, yet, whenever we held hands or smooched a little cheek peck, the world stopped, fingers pointed and exclamations of delight proclaimed our adorability. This is especially true of young couples. We can only imagine what might happen if they caught us partaking in an innocent love pat on the behind? Oh my! Love… Marriage… Mr. Bean… and God

What changed? How did we jump from being the rude couple, known for PDA (public display of affection), to the Cutie Patooties belonging in the Guinness World Record book with the caption: Old Farts in Love. When the “Awwwws,” first began, we’d back away, fearing our groupies might pinch our cheeks, or worse, snap a photo to share on Facebook. Over time, we’ve gotten over our fear of death by koochie-koochie-koo. When it happens today, we share a secret nod of wisdom and a wink of… Love… Marriage… Mr. Bean… and God

“If they only knew.”

Truth is, I’m more in love with my husband today, than ever. And, yes, I mean IN LOVE. Mad, lust worthy, hot, married you rock my socks, kind of LOVE. Love… Marriage… Mr. Bean… and God

Hello? Hello? Is anyone still reading?

If so, I’ll share what I’ve learned about love. My prayer is that someone might be spared the wild seek and conquer dating escapades I suffered. Sadly, I know I am not alone in this, having many single friends looking under the same rocks as I did.

My quest for love, is best described as a manic episode of Where’s Waldo? Desperate, I sprang between victims, begging for alms of love, to fill my black hole of a heart. He must be charming, like Cary Grant, funny like Mr. Bean and strong and protective, like Grizzly Adams. And, most importantly, he must speak my personal dialect of love language, willing to be like the guy in My Fair Lady who sings, “On the Street Where You Live.” That guy felt happy just standing outside, knowing his love was in the vicinity.

“Sigh.”

Love me, love me, love me. Who will love me? Who can fill my bottomless pit of a heart?

My sad, wild safari in search of love guaranteed three perpetual moods:

Empty

Lonely

Broken hearted

I remember a day, when I believed I could not take another breath, unless tossed a crumb of relief to the gaping hole in my heart. With no other options, I sent a weak prayer out, begging an ignored God for help.

When I met Sandy, my husband to be, he had the Grant schmooz, the big protective brute air, and, he was well endowed with Mr. Beanisms. Sadly, though, he did not speak my love language, nor show any desire to stand outside on the street swooning with love. He had better things to do. Yet, there was something about him that kept me hanging around. He was patient, loving, and kind. He spoke of God and faith.

And then, we lived happily ever after… right?

Not quite.

We dug, dredged and sucked every ounce of love from each other. But, it was not enough. He could not feed my hunger, nor I his. What then? None of the equations add up. X + Y = Z … if X is me and Y is you then Z should be love… Okay, math is not my subject.

We fought.

And, fought some more.

Something was missing from the equation. It took years for us to figure it out. I should add, we are still working on the math, but we found the missing component, the foundation, the cornerstone. God. When we invited God into our relationship, our sparse baskets of fish and bread, became more than enough to feed ourselves and each other, with abundance to share.

Without God, marriage is like the wood, hay and straw, spoken of in the Bible; when the test of fire comes, it disintegrates. The tests will come, in many forms. Losses, disappointments, struggles, temptations. And no one will escape the trials of time; gravity, erosion and decay. Just as the Beatles song ponders, “Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four?”

It’s flattering to be admired for outer beauty, but to be revered for inner beauty is the biggest rush of all. I grumble at the woman in the mirror, wondering where she hid my youth. Yet, the most beautiful I have ever been, is in the eyes of my husband, where glows a lasting beauty, beaming from the inside out. I marvel at the image, coming from the eyes that have seen me at my worst. I’m not talking about the mother of all insults, “I love you even though.” That’s a tainted love, that pats the giver on the back. No, I want none of that.

To best understand, the love I refer to, it takes a child. A child whose well loved toy is showing wear. No longer new, shaggy, tousled, tired looking. Maybe it’s even missing a few parts. But what happens when you offer this child a shiny new toy in exchange for the old one? You can’t pry it from their clutches, not even to toss it in the laundry. They love it just the way it is. After all, it’s the toy that’s been there, through everything. The ear hanging by a thread, the bald spot, the dangling button, are like precious gems, badges, reminders of trials, victories, parades marched side by side.

I’m no longer dependent on love. Instead, my love is dependent on God. Without God in our marriage, our love is weak, no better than a silly love song. With God, we are like two children under an umbrella of His love. Holding hands, peering into each other’s eyes, marveling at who God created us to be. Love… Marriage… Mr. Bean… and God

And… I guess we’re pretty cute. Love… Marriage… Mr. Bean… and God

A note to my husband: Happy 24th Anniversary. I thank God for answering my prayer.

1 Corinthians 12

If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. 14If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. 15If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.

 

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21 thoughts on “Love… Marriage… Mr. Bean… and God”

  1. Wonderful post! You’re just a few years ahead of my husband and I. We’ll be celebrating our 17th wedding anniversary in about a month. I know what you mean about wondering when you became “the cute couple.” We had someone come up to us after church and say how CUTE we were because my husband holds my hand while the congregation sings together… LOL

  2. Happy anniversary. After 25 years, I too know I am blessed to be able to say I love my husband more than in past years, and look forward to many more years and stages of life to come. God is good.

  3. Beautifully written. I like your openess here. Happy anniversary!!! I agree with you: without God our marriages are so weak!

    (In febrauary is our 25th wedding anniversary).

  4. Thanks Deb for sharing your love, pain, absence of God, your fondness of your husband and the survival of the marriage. God is the difference maker and I can attest that without Him in a marriage, there is a good chance it won’t survive. The marriage I was in didn’t. When we turn to God, His impact is undeniable. Experiencing God’s love makes life purposeful and whole. Again thanks for an inspiring read.

  5. Congratulations on building such a solid marriage. You all have place the main ingredient, God, front and center, to ensure a happy marriage. Such a delightful post. I had to laugh at some parts of it. Too cute!

    1. Thanks Mary. I truly love providing a few giggles. Truth is, I think the humor is a band aid for myself and the reader when uncomfortable subjects go deep.

  6. Thank you for your encouragement! Its great to see couples who make it through the bone tired years of early marriage… we are on year 9, not really ‘early’ but still, weary at best. Thank you for encouragement, to keep at it, and try harder, to make it back to where we once were. You really spoke to my weary heart today!

  7. I have yet to give or receive such in a partner, however I do know His love for me and how I depend on Him for so much and He has yet to fail me. Who are these single friends and why haven’t I met them???

    Always

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